"i wish you hadn't disappeared from my life."
thats pretty accurate for a couple of people.
but only pretty accurate,
because they all haunt my dreams.
my subconscious only thinks about
the people who aren't there,
who can't be there,
who wouldn't.
it thinks about,
what if they could be there,
or if they would,
how nothing would change,
i'd be just as distant
and absent
nonetheless.
i think i want someone
who can accept my physical presence
knowing that "you're not always
going to get me mentally,
but i need you here
when i get back."
i'll never sleep again,
i cried,
upon waking,
every day.
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